I can believe that going to school would be this stressful. i hate school so much why do they make it so hard to go study abroad. i just hate them so much making me all stressful and shit dont they know I am not that good of s student that;s why i want to study abroad and just play why are they making it so difficult for me

Sleepy at school

So today I woke up and thought i wasn't going to be tired today but it turns out that I'm freaken tired now. I've been waiting for class to start for an hour and 30 minutes now and I still have one more hour to wait until class starts. And I'm already tired and sleepy. I really just want to go to sleep but I'm freaken hungry and i have nothing to eat and it's not even funny. i hate being hungry and sleepy while being at school. Today might not be the day and this week on Friday i have two statistics test and i hate it for real. I have Korean Quiz at one o'clock and i don't even know what's going to be on the test other than the vocab. cause we haven't even gone through the chapter we only did one grammar point yesterday. Oh will hopefully I do good on the quiz. Should i go buy something to eat i really don't want to go cause it's such a far walk will not that far but i'm just lazy and there is nothing that i want to eat here on campus. I want to make my own food with vegetables, meat stir-fry style and with rice. I still have some rice so i want to eat it. cause I haven't had rice for a long time. and I'm starting to hate it. i need more noodles also but the problem is that i don't have anymore money to throw around anymore. I have not job and no one wants me cause they think I'm lazy which i actually am. but hey what do you know maybe God will open a better job. Oh and guess what i have to buy a airplane ticket for 2000 and i'm not even sure if i'll be going by the end of this quarter. cause class is so hard i need all b's and at least one b. how am i going to get that. and JYJ is coming and i really want to go to that. will I;m going i already bought my tickets. i don't care i'm going to JYJ no matter what even if i have to hitch hike.

Stress

I don't really write blogs about my feelings but right now I have to. I just feel so much stress on my shoulders. I have no one who is willing to except me for their study abroad program and i need to find one. This school quarter is scary to much to focus on. can't get lower than a B in any of my classes. People that I hangout with are hating each other and I'm in the middle cause I talk and hangout with both sides. I just hate this so much. Freaken everything is going smooth for me nothing every came smooth for me I had always had to work so hard on everything I do and I suck at working hard. I would have look for an easy way out. Sometimes I think that it will be easier if I wasn't here but that's just stupid thoughts. And I pray to God everyday to help me have better thoughts because my life isn't as hard as those living in other countries. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry to myself but if I do that I feel like that is weakness in my eyes. I don't want to be a weak person so I put up a strong person act. And no one will every know except God cause he's the only one that knows me best. I tell myself that life will get better but sometimes it just feels like shit to me and I feel like I can't do anything about it so I just laugh to make it better but under all that laugh there is pain and weakness. Going to school is so stressful, making my family proud is so stressful but I want them to be proud of me. I want to give my family a better life so I want to try hard and succeed when all doors are closed cause God always has a better door for me which is always open I just have to find it. Sometimes I just want to go away from here and not come back ever.