Stress

I don't really write blogs about my feelings but right now I have to. I just feel so much stress on my shoulders. I have no one who is willing to except me for their study abroad program and i need to find one. This school quarter is scary to much to focus on. can't get lower than a B in any of my classes. People that I hangout with are hating each other and I'm in the middle cause I talk and hangout with both sides. I just hate this so much. Freaken everything is going smooth for me nothing every came smooth for me I had always had to work so hard on everything I do and I suck at working hard. I would have look for an easy way out. Sometimes I think that it will be easier if I wasn't here but that's just stupid thoughts. And I pray to God everyday to help me have better thoughts because my life isn't as hard as those living in other countries. Sometimes I just want to sit and cry to myself but if I do that I feel like that is weakness in my eyes. I don't want to be a weak person so I put up a strong person act. And no one will every know except God cause he's the only one that knows me best. I tell myself that life will get better but sometimes it just feels like shit to me and I feel like I can't do anything about it so I just laugh to make it better but under all that laugh there is pain and weakness. Going to school is so stressful, making my family proud is so stressful but I want them to be proud of me. I want to give my family a better life so I want to try hard and succeed when all doors are closed cause God always has a better door for me which is always open I just have to find it. Sometimes I just want to go away from here and not come back ever.